Just recieved my first batch of Effing Hot Chillies, from a geniusly named Effingham-based grower. My eyes stung, skin itched and mouth burned just picking up the box. What should I do next...?

Just received my first batch of Effing Hot Chillies from a geniusly named Effingham-based grower. My eyes stung, skin itched and mouth burned just picking up the box.

Recommendations please on how best to treat these fiery fruits - and 'run away, while you still can' is not an acceptable response.

Will I need a double layer of marigolds just to handle them (or a nuclear resistant body suit)? Should the box actually be glowing? Has any MasterChef contestant ever added Dorset Naga (up to 970,000 Scoville Units) to a Beef Bourguignon? When they warn against eating the aforementioned raw, just how long do you have to cook them before your tongue remains in coalition with the rest of your body?

Recipe advice and health and safety tips required.

(The next edition of Surrey Life magazine is brought to you by an unseasonably warm winter…)

P.S. If you happen to want to get your hands on a similar bounty, contact EffingHotChillies@btinternet.com

P.P.S. In fact, if you can point me in the direction of a better named Surrey producer, I’ll send you a free copy of this month’s mag.

Matt